Friday, January 7, 2011

Season of the Witch...condensed!

©2011 Relativity Media

Season of the Witch (2011), starring Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman.

[EDITED 9 January 2015]

The Director
Dominic Sena has created 2000's Gone in 60 Seconds (hey, look, a big Nicolas Cage face is on that poster too!).

The Actors
Brits, all of them, I believe, except Nicolas Cage of California and Ron Perlman (say New York twice). Stephen Graham, born in Liverpool, sounds like he was raised in Brooklyn. Granted, modern British speech would likely sound as strange to 14th Century Europeans as a Texas twang.

The Story
Behman (Cage) and Felson (Perlman) fight in the Crusades, and after each bloodfest the one who has produced the lower body count buys the night's drinks. All very endearing until their instant epiphany, after which they desert, only to be captured as deserters, only to be pressed into service to transport an accused witch (Claire Foy, trying to sound American for some reason) to trial, which is obviously the best way to stop the Bubonic Plague. If you can explain to me the explanation near the end, I will be much obliged.

Why You Should See It
You can only perceive movies in random four-minute increments, so the plot doesn't matter much to you.

The Rating
Tuna half stars.


  1. Sounds like a real snoozer, glad I didn't attend. Looking forward to more reviews of better movies. :-)

  2. Claritoot26 (a/k/a Mrs. Wife-Lady): We have a book by Roger Ebert called "I Hated Hated Hated This Movie" and another called "Your Movie Sucks." Bad reviews are often the funnest.

  3. Some suggestions:

    It is hard to tell if you enjoyed this movie. Some sort of numerical rating, stars or even Recommended/Not Recommended would help.

    The choices in the poll should cover all possiblities, such as adding two more choices: "I saw and recommend" and "I saw and do not recommend".

    The check boxes allow both choices to be picked. Radio buttons should be used instead of check boxes when only one in a list of multiple items can be selected.

  4. sf:
    Did you read the whole thing and still not know where I stood? It's not in my best interests to make it more convenient for people to avoid reading. :-)
    As for the buttons, they're a template thing. If Blogger has a way of using radio buttons below every post, I haven't found it. Perhaps someday I'll graduate to a more advanced, self-hosted system, but for now I'm still beginner-to-intermediate.

  5. I read the whole thing. It just seems that the type of person who would choose to view a movie with the billing of this one is likely to meet the criteria given under "Why you should see it". Although he would also meet the one condition under "Why you should avoid it", more reasons were given for such a person to see it.

    Many movie fans can enjoy a film despite lack of realism. This should especially be true of viewers who voluntarily attend a picture about witches and 45 to 60 year old knights.